Don't Do It Brother
by Mystoftime
Summary: Edward doesn't approve of having a certain someone being romantically involved with his brother. Light. No pairings.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own the universe of Fullmetal Alchemist…. But I do have Edward's auto mail arm! Catch me if you can!

**Don't Do It Brother!**

**A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfic**

Edward was dying inside. Whether from pent up laughter or from sympathy he couldn't decide, but it hardly mattered anymore. He couldn't take it. He couldn't watch a second longer.

To most bystanders, it would seem harmless, innocent even. A little girl hanging onto the every word of an older boy- her hero, her brotherly figure, her… crush. But to Edward Elric, State Alchemist, his younger brother was getting caught up into a web of deception, lies, and pure _perversion_.

Of course he hadn't said anything. How could he? He wouldn't charge in rashly and spill all his opinions and inform his brother about all his… thoughts on the matter. As far as combat went, sure he wasn't exactly the stealthy type, though he could be if he wanted to, but Edward was beyond average intelligence, quite gifted in fact.

Alphonse was no slouch either, almost certainly aware of a certain little Xingnese girl portraying him as a knight in shining armor (which ironically enough, was partly true). However,_ if_ he knew, why wasn't he doing anything about it? Edward racked his brain for an answer to this new question, and was dismayed by the reality of the obvious reply.

Why in the world was Alphonse _encouraging it_?

He had seen May Chang, and his brother interact plenty of times. Though, he didn't pay much attention having more important things to worry about at the moment, such as their very world ending in a 'Promised Day', he was able to see the clear truth without any aid.

With more time on his hands, Edward had begun keeping an eye on Alphonse and May. Not a big deal, only the mild curiosity of an older brother keeping his younger brother's best interests in mind.

Yet, as it got more serious, to the point they were spending time together every day, those interests were starting to define themselves and he would check in on them through various pretenses now and then.

It started with simple idolization. Alphonse must've said something to May earlier because she was terrified of/furious with him to begin with and fawning over the moving suit of armor the next. Idolization was simple for a reason and Edward could understand how easy it was to enjoy a little when it came his way. He wouldn't deprive Alphonse of that bubbly feeling of being appreciated after so long.

Then it moved on to long talks and even longer visits. This wasn't too alarming, as Alphonse wanted to see the girl and her rabid cat-panda thing for reasons he could likewise understand. Eastern alchemy was definitely a subject of interest for both of the Elric brothers and a practioner in that very subject had been delivered into the palm of their hands. On the other hand, while May taught Alphonse the basics of Eastern alchemy and Edward was soon privy to that same information, she was concerned with merely the chance to see the younger brother again.

Either way, Edward could see their bond had grown stronger with the time they spent together stretching longer and his worries were fortified day by day.

And these weren't petty fretful things like people may have thought, they were quite logical, realistic concerns, if in any other case Edward wouldn't be agonizing over in the first place.

Back to being torn between laughter and sympathy, and feelings he couldn't determine because he had _still_ neglected to talk to Alphonse. Edward was reclining on a wooden bench outside of a small, squat building near the hotel where they were staying, reading the small, pocket-sized book he always had on hand when high-pitched giggling reached his ears.

Now, _that_ was definitely out of the ordinary. Alphonse and May were supposed to be inside studying and as far as Edward knew about such things that did not include having fun and certainly not giggling. So what could it be but…?

The older Elric brother didn't allow his mind to finish processing that thought.

Slamming his journal shut, he leapt to his feet and flung the door open before rushing inside the house. He ran down the short hallway until he came to an open doorway.

He could hear Alphonse's voice coming from inside, still giggling.

"Haha! That tickles!"

Without a single notion of being rational, Edward burst into the room only to see…

Alphonse and May positioned over alchemic circles, palms down and looking utterly bewildered to see the blonde alchemist, flustered and wide-eyed.

When he realized nothing… unusual was going on, Edward's heartbeat slowly began to return to normal. He leaned on the doorframe as the pair stared at him dubiously. Alphonse was the first to speak.

"Brother? Is something wrong?"

Edward seemed to remember that he was in fact intruding on them and shook his head of his rash assumptions.

"No, no. I just remembering something… It's nothing."

Remember what I said about Alphonse being above average intelligence before? Well, he had the smarts and combined with knowing his brother better than anyone and he wasn't fooled so easily.

"Are you sure?" Alphonse managed to appear concerned despite being a walking, talking suit of armor. "I mean, if there's some sort of danger I can help-"

His brother held up a hand. "I'm fine. Really."

He offered a weak smile and, before Alphonse could protest, left the immediate vicinity as quickly as he could with any dignity intact.

_I'm getting way too paranoid_, Edward thought to himself as he walked along the cobbled street, heading away from the small town and hopefully away from his earlier blunder. He wasn't worried with whether Alphonse would miss him, he was plenty occupied as it was, and when he noticed his older brother's absence- they had a knack for finding each other.

The Fullmetal Alchemist continued along the road until it turned into a dusty path and followed that as it winded to the top of a grassy hill. He kept up his brisk pace and eventually stood beneath a gnarled apple tree. Its boughs stretched far and wide, streams of sunlight filtering through the vibrant green leaves.

Being late summer, small, greenish bulbs were becoming fruit, the autumn harvest time not too far off, but not too close either. Sighing, Edward plopped down in the shady patch of grass and gazed out at the lush, rolling landscape and the now tiny town nestled between it.

The sight reminded him of Resembool and the façade of peace made his heart ache. So long… it had been so long since he and Alphonse, freshly scarred from their attempt at human transmutation, set out on their perilous journey. Yet, strange as it may be, the sole time the harsh reality of the length they'd been searching-endlessly searching- _really_ began to set in was on occasions like this where it was as if they'd never left.

Edward was just a twelve-year-old kid again who maybe knew something or two about alchemy and taking care of his baby brother, and the truth he'd sacrificed so much for, but next to nothing about the way the world worked. About how it sunk its teeth into you, chewed you up until you were reduced to a pile of broken muscle, skin and bone, and spit you out once more, with only a repetition of that cycle to look forward to. Yes, it seemed like that, but only until his thoughts returned to his constant companion throughout it all- to Alphonse.

Apart from his natural protectiveness of his brother, Edward feared for Al's feelings. For most outsiders, even those who knew that there was no living person inside the armor-_especially_ those, it was easy to assume or forget that there was a human soul dwelling there, a impressionable, child's one at that. A cold, unfeeling armored man was quite the opposite of the younger Elric brother, Edward knew, and he _never_ wanted Alphonse to foster emotions of being lost and less than human, nothing but a tool for the military's devices.

_Edward_ was the tool, not Alphonse. _He_ was the one who had taken on the burden of a State Alchemist, regardless of the benefits of money and status. No matter how much Al said they were in this together, he would not accept having his brother going through more than he already had. They were fighting, searching and breathing together, but becoming exactly what others made Alphonse out to be… _hell no._

Which brought him back to when Alphonse and May Chang walked down public streets, the Xingnese girl perpetually latched onto his metal arm. It didn't matter so much when it was with others in their collection of odd allies and Edward could lower his sense of pride enough not to complain when aid was given. But, when it was mainly they, or even him tagging along… he didn't miss the guarded glances of passer by, fear of the armored man and trepidation for the little girl.

Funny how appearances suddenly made a difference when they seemed so insignificant, and Edward wouldn't have given it a second thought if not for the oath he'd taken to keep his brother as human as possible, and being labeled by the public, if only silently and in their eyes, surely broke it.

Of course, there were whispers too, and Edward, twitchy as he was becoming, didn't want to have to bail Alphonse out of jail on false charges as well.

On and on, his turbulent thoughts never seemed to end, until, finally the alchemist thought himself to sleep. A deep, dreamless slumber he wished to have more often.

0~0~0

When he woke up, the sunbeams coming through the apple tree's leaves were fading and nearly gone. Edward had been out much longer than he originally thought. Stretching his arms above his head, hearing his metal joints creak, he yawned and rose to his feet.

With a last glance at the scenic view, he shoved his hands in his pockets and started back down the twisting path. He was wondering what excuse he was going to come up with this time for being out so late without notice (he swore, sometimes Alphonse was such a mother hen) when someone called out to him.

"Ed! Hey Ed!"

He glanced up in surprise in time to see Alphonse jogging towards him and waving. In turn, he raised a hand and stopped in his steps while his brother caught up.

And when he did… "Brother! Where have you been? I've been looking for you and you suddenly vanished! What am I supposed to do next time and something important comes up, but your not there?"

Edward sighed. It was just as he'd predicted.

"Calm down, Al. I went out for a walk. That's all and don't go saying I slack off like that bastard Colonel!"

Alphonse rubbed his metal head sheepishly, "I know. Sorry. It's just you'll wear yourself down like this."

They resumed walking, this time together in sync.

"By the way," Edward remarked casually. "What happened to May and her cat?"

"Xiao May's actually a panda."

The blonde alchemist shrugged. "Cat… miniature panda, whatever."

Al was careful not to point out Edward's word choice as far as 'miniature' went. "I sent her home early because I didn't know where you were." The younger Elric glared at his brother. "But, we did finish for the day, so I guess it's not too bad."

"What were you doing today, anyways?"

A curious glance was sent Edward's way. "Eastern alchemy like I told you brother."

Edward shifted uncomfortably. "Really? Because I didn't think alchemy was funny enough to make you laugh."

"Oh! That! May was teaching me about the flow of natural energy in the earth and while we were practicing it kind of tickled even though I usually can't feel anything," Alphonse explained, chuckling a little.

"Hmm." Edward couldn't think of a good enough reply, but inside he was thinking, _so, that was it! Good thing I was so far off the mark…_

They walked down the path in silence for several minutes, Edward content to enjoy the quiet. Alphonse wasn't similarly satisfied.

"Brother."

The older Elric glanced up. "Yeah?"

"Why are you so interested in May lately?" He paused. "I mean you always want to know what we're doing and I know you'd like to learn Eastern alchemy too, but… you've been acting weird."

"Weird?" Edward echoed, ready to keep the pretense of being innocent.

The metal helmet nodded. "Uh huh. Jumpy and avoiding us, like you're hiding something."

_Crap_. Edward swore under his breath as all his hopes of remaining stealthy were dashed to pieces. Basically, Al knew he was sneaking around, keeping an eye on them, but was too polite to say as much.

"Well… uh…" he struggled for a feasible explanation.

"You can tell me anything," Alphonse assured his brother. "I just want the truth."

_Is the truth feasible?_ The alchemist wondered. He guessed it would have to do because the one person who could do so without even trying effectively cornered him.

He took a breath and let it out in a rush. "I wanted to make sure there wasn't something… _more_ between you and May. That's it." He finished brusquely, embarrassed because as soon as he voiced his suspicions aloud they sounded more than a little stupid.

"Really?" Alphonse looked considerably taken aback and Edward could see why. "I thought that you were acting funny because _you_ liked May!"

_That_ he hadn't expected.

"What?" he spluttered. "No way!"

They exchanged glances, each astounded at the others thought process before Edward coughed into his hand. "So, um, does that mean you actually don't like her, you know, romantically? I can tell she likes you."

Alphonse tapped his chin thoughtfully and hummed.

"May's great," he eventually decided, obviously choosing his words carefully. "She's smart, funny, sweet and pretty cute, though her alchemy is definitely something you don't want to mess with. But… I just like her as a friend. I don't think I could handle anything more right now, anyways."

Edward released a huge sigh of relief he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Okay… and you _do_ know she has a giant crush on you?"

For a second, Alphonse hesitated and Edward thought he might actually say, 'no, I didn't.' Thankfully that wasn't the case.

"Yeah and that's fine." His brother gave him a skeptical look. "Really! I don't mind! She's been really helpful and it's sort of nice…" he admitted. "Did you honestly believe we were dating or something?"

He pointedly looked the other way, trying to skirt around the question. But he could still feel Alphonse's gaze on the back of his head. "Yes," Edward sighed. Al looked ready to add on something, but he held up a finger. "Wait! Look at it from someone else's point of view. You two are joined at the hip! When you're together, May never leaves your side. She's like a terrier that keeps coming back for more!" He could almost imagine a blush on the cold steel of Al's helmet. "It's only logical that people might think… well…" Edward trailed off, hoping his intelligent brother could fill in the blanks.

No such luck.

"They might think what?" Alphonse's voice was an odd mixture of curiosity and irritation.

His brother may be smart, but he was also innocent.

Edward visibly winced. He _so_ did not want to be the one explaining the intricacies of the natural world and how an adult's mind might work.

He ruffled his golden hair nervously and plastered on a fake grin. "It's nothing honestly, but they might think that…" Edward watched his brother carefully, trying to gauge his reaction. "… That you're a pedophile."

Alphonse's growing impatience seemed to transfer into a stunned silence. He just hoped Al knew what that meant.

"What?" the suit of armor was showing emotion despite the impossibility as Alphonse choked out a response.

"And that you were luring May in so you could grab her later," Edward continued. He figured if he was going this far, he might as well go the rest of the downhill slide.

He regretted telling his younger brother these things, but he _did_ ask, even if Edward was at fault for even _thinking_ he had an actual relationship with May.

"They would really think that," Alphonse stated hollowly.

Edward nodded slowly, his eyebrows furrowing as the armor beside him had stopped walking altogether. "Even though you don't look how old you actually are, May _is_ younger then you and definitely looks it and that's completely wrong." He wrinkled his nose at the thought and was glad to be able to voice what he'd been feeling.

Alphonse said nothing and his brother was beginning to believe he was incapable of saying _anything_.

"For all they know, you'd be whisking her away to a smutty room, or even an old alley and start doing all manner of things to her-"

"Brother, stop. Please don't go there." Alphonse's voice was pained.

Shivering, Edward tried to dispel the awful, terrifying and nightmare-inducing images. "I agree. I don't even want to think about it."

"Me neither."

0~0~0

**Author's Note:** Before I start hearing a bunch of flamers and Al/May fans screaming their surely biased arguments at me (but aren't we all?), I just want to say that this is not, and I repeat, is _not_ a story focused on bashing May and that pairing. Sure, I think she's an annoying, little brat who has no character development whatsoever and that pairing her with Alphonse as anything more than friends is plain _wrong_ as Edward would say (I mean honestly, the age difference is quite notable), but the girl doesn't speak a single word in this fic for Pete's sake!

So, to clarify I wrote this because I had an idea of just how ridiculous Edward might act if he saw signs that Alphonse and May 'liked' each other and how unfounded those suspicions would probably be. Hence, **Don't Do It Brother** is an emulation of brotherly protectiveness and advice not to date girls that are very much younger than you are, or at least not midgets that might make you out as a pedophile. My first FMA fan fiction and I do hope you enjoy and kindly ignore my little rant, just a safety precaution. This is actually the first time I've watched the anime before the manga (Brotherhood, not the 2003 version) so I'm all updated and currently on the third volume of the manga. Thanks for reading and please review! They feed my rabid soul.


End file.
